felt like it

Just a fraction of your love fills the air
your the light that feeds the sun in my world
I don't wanna go back to just being half of the equation
Shoulda known you were trouble from the first kiss
Throw my hand on a blade
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
Yes i would die for ya baby, but you wouldn't do the same
Gave you all i had, then you tossed it in the trash
Your all i had
I sit by myself, talking to the moon
Trying to get to you
And hold you on the other side
we're always proving who we are
always reaching for the shining star
out here on my own
baby belong to me
help me need you

my hero:) W.T.J.

wesley.tyler.johnson.
My older brother, 19 years of age.
He's my inspiration & my hero:)
He's gone through SO much, and yet he's come out of it still loving God...he's lost quite a lot, but he inspires me to keep going. Cause no matter how hard it was for him, he kept moving forward. To this day he's striving for his dreams, of becoming a famous actor. GO WES:)
I just can't explain how much i look up to this boy, there's just something about older brothers..no matter what they do or who they are, you'll always love them:D

God created you in His image:)

Your opinion on me does not matter, if God loves me and i have good friends & family surrounding me i could care less what you think. Just remember to hate me, is to hate what God
created.

Recently, I've been feeling pretty down. I've been really hard on myself, and that doesn't really help me at all. I've been feeling really ugly & worthless to a lot of people. So instantly i cry about it all (which helped), but i went to God and just prayed to him "God, what in the world do i do? I feel ugly, and i hate the way i look..i know i was created in your image, and should be happy and accept the way i look but sometimes i just feel invisible to others. I want to be like the other girls i hangout, the ones who get all the attention..but you didn't give me that blessing. And im trying to accept that fact, but its so hard. I also know you made me the exact way i was meant to look, and just teach me how to love your creation."
I prayed that for a while, but i kept getting more and more discouraged.
My dear friend michelle quinto said some pretty darn impactful words:) When i was having a bad day, she was the one there for me. And i thank you for that girlie. i love you.
now to share what she sent me in a private message


"So check it out, if you belong to God, that means your his daughter. Which also means, that you will have his "family resembilance." You are his girl, and the two of you are a team. However, if one person on a team is distracted(like, for an example by beauty) how on earth would the team be able to make it without the other player?? can't happen!

Here, picture with me if you will; You do not belong here. Your real home is in heaven. Correct? sooo, that would mean that we are aliens here, and we will always stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd. Okay, so what on earth does this have to do with beauty? Because if we have this unique, and higher calling, why should we care whether or not we're on the runway! In Gods book, you are his precious angel, man! he'd give his life for you! So if we are this special, why go to waste? use up all that you got, even if it isn't perfect! were not here to please people, were here to please God, and love him, and gloify him with everything you got. You'll always be enough for him. you knoww?"

So love what you have and what you don't have, don't be to hard on yourself. And know that it doesn't matter what other people think, As long as Gods happy with you than i really shouldn't give a crap on the rest of the worlds opinions:)

of course.

Ever had just one of those super crappy days?
yeah well i'm having one.
:(

a good weekend.

so i thought this weekend was going to be boring! I WAS SO WRONG!
so friday was boring, but i watched movies and had pizza with my mom. So it was boring but a good day:)
saturday was boring at first then i went to 5th quarter, and that thing was freaking fun. me and jordan dressed up as laker & dodger fans...and at first i didn't want to, but then we found these wigs. Red mullet wigs, they were AMAZING. so we wore them, and took pictures. we couldn't stop laughing that night, and carmel apples are quite the memories with me and her:) then i slept over at her house.. that was fun too:)
onn sunday i went to church, DUH! then went over to linneas house until like 9. and we worked on our stupid AP human geography project, and i had to dress up as an indian woman and use self tanner on my face. I now completely understand why God didn't make me as a black person,
overall good weekend:) yay!


530th post:)

quotes.

When love is lost, do not bow your head in saddness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.
God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.
Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.
:)

everything reminds me of you

Dizzy.

That’s how you feel when you run into a significant other you haven’t seen in a long time. A bitter avalanche of icy memories plows into your chest at breakneck speed, stealing the very breath from your lungs. Gasping for air, there’s really no use fighting it; the blow is instantaneous and it’s overpowering. Your eyes land on this person, your heart immediately stops dead, your knees go weak and you internally panic. You force yourself to walk over, but before either of you say hello, you’ve already got an endless amount of things you secretly want to say and an equally lengthy list of questions you wish you could ask.

What affection the two of you once shared was absolutely beautiful, consequently rendering any unanticipated meetings thereafter twice as awkward. But as everyone always reminded you, life has a way of operating, God has a mysterious way of working, and sometimes things change without a moment’s warning. Even after it was all said and done, it’s still hard to imagine how things could’ve ever evolved from “always” to “never” in what seemed like a single dramatic heartbeat.

Months and months later, you run into this particular person unexpectedly and the realization hits you like a brick wall. The pain is still there. It’s almost as painful as the night you said goodbye. Enough time has passed to con you into thinking you’ve begun to heal, and of course you probably have, but then you see this person and suddenly those old familiar aches begin to hurt all over again. You were finally beginning to mend after what happened, the relationship withered and ended, however dramatically, but the moment you lock eyes with this person you once shared so many dreams with, your stomach turns and a bitter taste fills your mouth. You can barely breathe. Half of you aches for things to be the way they once were, the other half longs to forget the whole thing ever happened. Regardless of your role in the conclusion of the relationship, it left you shattered and bringing it up after all this time would only pour another dose of potent heartbreak for both of you.

So there you are, standing face-to-face, unsure of what to say aside from the typical small talk jabber. A myriad of emotions swirl through both your heads but they only make former lovers more confused. Maybe you hug an awkward I-haven’t-seen-you-in-forever gesture, but that familiar mixed scent of perfume and cologne makes it even more impossible to know how to act, brief as the impending conversation inevitably will be. You just can’t stop thinking “things will never be the way they used to be” and that’s what hurts most. You both know where your identities lie, Who ultimately claims your hearts and where your fortresses are… and those things are truly what matter most, but this unforeseen meeting is still severely painful and there’s no denying that. It keeps you both awake for nights.

this was written by adam young(owl city), and i absolutely fell in love with it. He can write like no other, he's one sexy man. i love you adam young, you're beautiful.